Dear Diary,
Took a nap after dress shopping all day. That shit is exhausting. Didn't find anything. Now I can't sleep and I can't stop thinking about what I'm gonna wear & where the fuck we are gonna host this reception on top of like what kind of flowers do I want for my bouquet or do I want a bouquet or what kind of ceremony are we having or how many tables & chairs do we need or like what kind of food or how can we afford to provide drinks for this mystery number of people ... etc etc... I am not a traditional person and I don't know what people even do at these things apart from drink and, if you're lucky, dance.
So bedtime anxiety is a thing now, as if I wasn't already having a hard enough time sleeping. Not to mention my backs been out for going on two weeks/heeling slowly, I'm having headaches and nausea from headache medicines & doing everything in my power to avoid whatever fun cold/flu has everyone laid out currently. I cannot afford anymore set backs I've barely been able to clean my own house or keep up with dishes or cook my own meals because of my damned back.
Then it's like -how many more pop ups can I do before the wedding to make enough money to cover all the costs and then I'm like wait, not too many more because I have to have time to plan this at home wedding ceremony and venue reception and finish painting my house and decorate two different places and then... OH YEAH decorations and who's gonna help me with all of that because I can't do it all on my own and who can I count on in this still new city to me for such an important day? And any people who have ever been that close to me who would care enough to help or take charge are hundreds of miles away and I haven't seen most of them in so long it's kinda too far removed now to even think about. Latest Dresses 2020
And we still don't even have a reception venue and it's in 4 weeks. lol. And who the fuck is gonna DJ this thing? Oh and bachelorette parties, I have a few new girlfriends that I really love and wish I had known forever so I could experience things like this more intimately and maybe it would feel more important and how do I expect people to prioritize something like that over work or their own lives?
Whatever. It's gonna be cool. I just need to sleep and stop thinking, that'd rule.